Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Oh. My. God. (Why condoms really don't stop STDs)

..

Um...

Wow... I had literally no idea that you were supposed to use a tea strainer as a condom instead of... well... a condom. All these years and I've been doing it so wrong according to Jesus-hair guy here. It's science, here, people!! Watch, all you skeptics! This is scientific!



...


If this guy's a comedian, tongue firmly in-cheek, then he's a genius. Seriously, Sacha Baron Cohen has nothing on this guy.

However...

I fear he's serious, and that he really believes all this crap.

Here's the good news: he CLAIMS that he's going to wait to do the higgly-piggly until he's married, so hopefully, if you have teenaged daughters (like I do), then he's not sniffing around them, with his scraggly little proto-beard and his watery eyes, like two pools of stagnant pond water and his limp, alterna-tool hair, so desperately in need of a good conditioner (or better, a pair of sheep clippers). Then again... we all know how well (or not) premarital abstinence pledges really work, don't we?

The bad news is that once he get's going, he'll probably want half a dozen little Jesus-haired mouth-breathing curtain climbers around to brainwash... (shakes head).

Here's another gem from "the Professor" sharing more of this tool's wisdom, this time answering that age-old question: "Is it supposed to hurt?"

Only if you're doing it the way God wants, baby:

1 comment:

Amy said...

This HAS to be a parody. HAS TO!