Thursday, April 9, 2009

What I'm working on (April, 2009)...

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So... I know you all are WAY too polite to ask me point-blank what I've been doing with myself in the 10 or so weeks since I was laid off (ugh...), so I figured I'd take stock and give a report.

Besides working on chapters for my Kamp Kommander novel, I've been working hard to develop and grow my short story chops. Writing short stories requires a very different set of skills than long form, and I've worked on novels so long that I neglected building these muscles properly.

The good news, however, is that freeing myself (or, more accuratrly, being freed from) the tyranical chains of my job seems to have opened up a floodgate of ideas, many of which have been completed since February.

Since leaving CheckFree, I've completed the following stories:

  • "Aeternal" - a story set in a distant future, where the undead rule the living through the remnants of the long-forgotten Church.
  • "Blood Bowl" - The saga of a small-town hero who challenges the vampire bowling prince of Henderson, Oklahoma to an epic duel.
  • "Ghost Light" - An aged actor and his son travel to Stratford, Connecticut to visit the theater that made - and will end - his life.
  • "Railriders" - Another tale of the future. A story about freedom and what we must sometimes sacrifice for it.
  • "The Shoe Factory" - A deep-space miner and tug pilot beams his consciousness out into space to save his own life. But who - or what - will pick up the signal?
With any luck, I'll find markets for all these stories very soon, and you'll be seeing them in a magazine or literature web site very soon. If anyone wants to recommend a market, please email me at the address at the top of the right-hand column.

I've also got about 11,000 words done of a novella, titled "Tatterface", a story set in the same world as Blood Magic and Nights of Sin. Kirin, my protagonist from those books (I can't really call her a "hero"), appears as a "guest star" in the story. Hopefully I'll be done with that one soon, but for now, it's proving to be a bit of a problem child.

Hope everyone out there is happy and well, and remember:

Before all else: write!!!


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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Limbaugh SLAMMED on-air...

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Andrew Sullivan posted a transcript and audio recording of a caller who, somehow, slipped past the call screeners during Rush Limbaugh's radio call-in show. When the caller, who claimed to be a former Marine and US Army veteran, was put on the air, he really ripped Rush a new cake hole over Limbaugh's support for the torture of "enemy combatant" detainees.

Read the transcript, or listen to the audio recording HERE.

This sort of thing is so immensely gratifying to me because of an incident that happened to me in 1989, when I was a student at the Art Institute of Chicago. One of my fellow students, a guy named "Dredd Scott", put a piece in the senior art show titled "What Is The Proper Way To Display A US Flag?". (Sorry in advance if this photo throws off the page formatting - text continues below the image...)


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The piece featured a collage under which was set a comment book. On the floor, was an American flag, positioned so that it was basically impossible to read or write in the comment book without stepping on the flag.

Now, anyone who was a Cub Scout knows that even allowing the flag to touch the ground is bad enough, but to actually invite people to step on it is... well, it's "bad form" to say the least. Scott wanted the piece to be confrontational, and confrontation was what he got.

Once the media picked up on the piece, we had massive protests outside the Art Institute. Veterans waving banners at traffic on Michigan Avenue that read: "Honk if you love the US Flag!!!" and such. Guys in camo fatigues and elderly veterans in suits wearing VFW hats - the works.

Walking to school, I was routinely shouted at by passing pickup trucks, usually curses and profanity. Guess they could tell from my long hair and art supplies that I was one of "those Goddamn art school fascists" or something. At one point, a pickup (always a pickup for some reason...) pulled up to the curb outside our main building and a man got out of the truck with a hunting rifle brandished in his hands, then stood and waved it around, screaming, as students dove frantically behind concrete walls for cover. For several eternal seconds, I was sure I was about to be shot.

Fortunately, Chicago's Finest dropped him with a body tackle and disarmed him, and nobody was hurt. "I only wanted to scare them!" he protested as they stuffed him into the back of a police car.

"I only wanted to scare them!"

At the height of the frenzy, a group of US veterans from the local VFW showed up, three guys pushing three other guys in wheelchairs, to see the piece. At this point, the show was still open to the public. Cameras followed them down the usually quiet halls, shining bright lights.

They stopped in front of the Dredd Scott's "American Flag" (not bothering with anything else on display - I still feel sorry for everyone else there who's work was likely overlooked when the gallery was later closed to the public). They stared at the piece with frowning faces. With the cameras rolling, one bent and snatched the flag off the floor, and the group, still on camera, was immediately led from the gallery by our security guards, shouting all the while.

Except for one man...

Unnoticed by all, one of the wheelchair veterans had distanced himself from his fellows in the lead-up to the confrontation. As the rest of them were hurried out in their cocoon of shouting art students and video lights, he sat, near the wall, watching the action with a sad expression on his face. He followed them down the hall when the excitement had waned.

Outside, the veterans, still clutching the flag, gave interviews to CNN. They decried the artist's "disrespect" for the flag, oblivious to the disrespect they had shown for his art. The wheelchair veteran sat at the fringes, watching.

"Excuse me, sir," I said, walking up to him, "but I couldn't help but notice that you're not up there with your friends, and that you didn't join in with them when they yanked the flag off the floor. Can I ask you why?"

He sighed. "Well," he said, "the way I figure it, I lost the use of my legs fighting for that artist's freedom of speech, and if I went and took that away from him, what kind of American would I be? It would make everything I sacrificed in service to my country and what that flag stands for worthless."

I was thunderstruck then, and thinking about it now, twenty years later, I still get a chill. This was easily the best civics lesson I've ever received, and it took 10 minutes and came completely as an accident.

I've never forgotten the lesson that veteran taught me.

Cut to 2009, and this caller on Rush Limbaugh's show, a showcase for the rantings of yet another extremist who "only wants to scare them!". Cut to this veteran upbraiding Rush for supporting torture in the name of freedom.

"We are not supposed to torture people," this veteran, a former Marine and member of the US Army said. "What's the matter with you?"

Excellent question. I'm just glad that he made it through to voice his opinions on the air. Good for you, sir.

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I think ths pretty much speaks for itself...

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Ray was right - the Japanese ARE ridiculous...



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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Oh. My. God. (Why condoms really don't stop STDs)

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Um...

Wow... I had literally no idea that you were supposed to use a tea strainer as a condom instead of... well... a condom. All these years and I've been doing it so wrong according to Jesus-hair guy here. It's science, here, people!! Watch, all you skeptics! This is scientific!



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If this guy's a comedian, tongue firmly in-cheek, then he's a genius. Seriously, Sacha Baron Cohen has nothing on this guy.

However...

I fear he's serious, and that he really believes all this crap.

Here's the good news: he CLAIMS that he's going to wait to do the higgly-piggly until he's married, so hopefully, if you have teenaged daughters (like I do), then he's not sniffing around them, with his scraggly little proto-beard and his watery eyes, like two pools of stagnant pond water and his limp, alterna-tool hair, so desperately in need of a good conditioner (or better, a pair of sheep clippers). Then again... we all know how well (or not) premarital abstinence pledges really work, don't we?

The bad news is that once he get's going, he'll probably want half a dozen little Jesus-haired mouth-breathing curtain climbers around to brainwash... (shakes head).

Here's another gem from "the Professor" sharing more of this tool's wisdom, this time answering that age-old question: "Is it supposed to hurt?"

Only if you're doing it the way God wants, baby:

Thursday, March 12, 2009

"You want to have Mickey Mouse do WHAT??"

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Man, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when Comedy Central's lawyers discussed whether or not to let this air. You can practically smell the subversion clinging to this, like some sort of moist, hot perfume...



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Monday, March 9, 2009

Writers on Writing: Do You Enjoy Writing?

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Andrew Sullivan dropped a link to a great forum wherein writers of all stripes weigh in on the perennial question: "Why do you write and do you enjoy it?". All the responses are great, but I found this one, from Hari Kunzru, particularly similar to my own experiences:

"I get great pleasure from writing, but not always, or even usually. Writing a novel is largely an exercise in psychological discipline – trying to balance your project on your chin while negotiating a minefield of depression and freak-out. Beginning is daunting; being in the middle makes you feel like Sisyphus; ending sometimes comes with the disappointment that this finite collection of words is all that remains of your infinitely rich idea. Along the way, there are the pitfalls of self-disgust, boredom, disorientation and a lingering sense of inadequacy, occasionally alternating with episodes of hysterical self-congratulation as you fleetingly believe you've nailed that particular sentence and are surely destined to join the ranks of the immortals, only to be confronted the next morning with an appalling farrago of clichés that no sane human could read without vomiting. But when you're in the zone, spinning words like plates, there's a deep sense of satisfaction and, yes, enjoyment…"

Product Development, Capital Investment and You...

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An old boss of mine, Milind Pandit, just sent me a link to his professional blog, Transcendental Generalization. Milind, besides being a gentleman and all-around great guy, is also an amazing thinker in the area of Product Development and management, and has some interesting articles on the site pertaining to issues like entrepreneurs finding venture capital money and the rationalization process involved with developing a new product. When I was at CheckFree, I learned a whole hell of a lot from this guy, and reading this blog I can see why.

Anyone interested in developing a new product or service for sale should really take a look - the articles will get you thinking and there are useful cross-links all over the site.

Enjoy!

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